Why I tried for so long?
12 years is not a short length of time, A duodecennial, 4383 days or the length of time since Macklemore released Thrift Shop to the year I am writing this.
More importantly to me this is the length of time I tried to make it work as a professional photographer. Starting at 17 I worked with and for anyone I could. Mostly bands, I remember shooting 6 bands a night for £50 on an old Canon 1200D with a terrible 24mm lens thinking this was the best way possible to spend an evening. I would lie about being 18 to shoot in the venues that wouldn’t let under 18 year olds in.
Fast forward 12 years and I look back wondering why I tried so hard to be this mysterious somewhat fictional person I don’t think I was ever meant to be. I used to dream about being a photographer travelling around the world taking photos of amazing things and being a known name. I watched documentaries and films all about photographers like David Bailey, Gene Smith and Douglas Kirkland. Thinking one day there would be a film about me. I realise now how ridiculous that is.
I used to shoot events I hated thinking this will just be a footnote in my work and will lead to me doing something else. I was arrogant let’s be honest I thought I was better than I was and treated shoots like they were lucky to have me there. I think this is the case now a days for most photographers. We treat arrogance as a need as if we don’t believe we are the best at what we do then imposter syndrome sets in and we never do anything again. How many times have you heard a photographer say “ I could have done that it’s easy”. But the truth in the fact is they didn’t and this hurts them to their core. I think deep down all photographers in this modern age are very very scared.
This was me for 12 years. Constantly thinking I could do that and I was the best thing to touch a camera. What a waste of time. But I don’t want to look back on this time of my life as a total waste, Lets look at some of the things it taught a very young naive Sam.
I think the biggest thing it taught me was professionalism. Little things like showing up early or on time. Making sure to be nice and correct with professionals and customers alike. This isn’t just something you should be if you are a photographer by the way. I think being nice and decent to speak to is pretty much what separates proper human beings from assholes.
Technical knowledge, this isn’t as important as being nice but knowing how to expose a scene just off my own eyes is a pretty good talent to have and one not many people in the world can say they can do. Combine this with the knowledge on optics, film sensitivity and the chemistry used to develop it along with the actual process. All of these are surprisingly useful and I feel really make a difference in my life currently.
Lastly I think the ability to look beyond an image. Not in terms of what the gear was to shoot it but more the story behind it. With the way the world is online today, we often see an image with a caption and don’t read anything more about it. But looking at an image and who took it as a photographer makes you wonder why they were where they were to shoot the photo. How they got there and as such what are they trying to portray through it? Is this photo the actual story or is it part of a set or has it been cropped from a larger frame?
I don’t regret all of the time spent trying to be something I wasn’t meant to be and I’m glad that after 12 years I’m back on the path I know I am supposed to be using photography for me and to tell stories I want to tell.
